Unchurched Tells

Experienced card players look for “tells,” some change in facial expression or an involuntary physical action that reveals another player is bluffing, or has an exceptionally good hand.

The one who signals the tell doesn’t know what they’ve done, but others notice.

I’ve noticed some tells by people who criticize the Church, signals to me that they are truly, grossly, uninformed.

1. “Everyone tries to outdress each other.”

When I hear this, it tells me that the speaker hasn’t been in 99% of churches in decades.

I dress business casual, and so do many men. But there’s an equal number of guys in jeans, frequently with a t-shirt. Same with most of the ladies. Ties and dresses are more rare. I think this is true for most congregations.

There is a small minority of churches that expect suits and ties for the men, and a nice long dress for women. They see this as giving their best to God and I’ll not criticize them for that choice.

2. “The music is slow, dreadful and morbid.”

Long ago most churches shifted to a more contemporary music style, with upbeat tunes and perhaps a worship band.

Sometimes I like to hear some old hymns, especially if they are up tempo and perhaps even sent to a different tune. The message in the lyrics is still meaningful. But even some masterful old hymns done in the traditional way are very moving.

Some churches have chosen to stick with the older style because it better serves their demographic. But we’re seeing less and less of this.

To complain that the music is outdated is to reveal someone hasn’t been in a service in most congregations for a very long time, if ever.

3. “All those churches do is attack each other.”

It’s been my experience at 99% of all churches agree on 99% of the Christian faith. The 1% difference may or may not even matter. Some people like robes and incense and candles and that’s fine. Other churches have a service that’s practically a hootenanny, and that’s okay. God doesn’t care about that stuff.

If the difference is doctrinal, it’s okay as long as churches are polite to each other. From what I’ve seen 99% of all churches are polite to the other 99%. They may not all agree on a few things, but they agree on most things. They see each other as allies, not enemies.

4. “Christians are so hateful, condemning people that don’t agree with them.”

This is a common complaint by two groups.

Some haven’t understood the commitment believers have made to their Lord, who preached a message of openness and acceptance. This does not mean that Jesus wanted his people to abandon the standards he taught and celebrate behavior he clearly condemned. It does mean that he wants the church to be willing to have open arms to all who seek him. You can’t do that and be hateful. He said “Love your neighbor as yourself.” [Matthew 22:39]

There are rare exceptions to this, congregations known for their hateful speech. The reason these congregations make the news is that they are newsworthy, standing out, different than the vast majority of congregations. That itself should tell you something.

The other group that thinks Christians are hateful are those who are touchy, because the expectations of a Godly life are in contradiction to how they live. Their life choices have been challenged, and they don’t like it.

5.  “All churches talk about is money.”  

It’s true, some churches go overboard when it comes to fundraising.  Most pastors know this is a touchy subject, and rarely talk about money.

Sometimes they must, since Stewardship is an essential part of the Christian life.  Christians are to give their whole lives to God lock, stock, and barrel.  Returning 10% to him [the historic tithe] is the least they can do to show gratitude.

There is also the need to cover ongoing expenses.

But it’s a gross exaggeration to say that ALL churches do is talk about money ALL the time.  It tells me that the speaker is out of touch with the real Church.

6. “You are the most spiritual person I know.”

This one is a dead giveaway.

I know countless believers closer to God than I have ever been, or ever hope to achieve. I try, I really do. I may have a better relationship with my Lord than some. I would like to believe my understanding of Scripture and the Christian faith is well informed.

But if someone says I’m the most spiritual person they know they are revealing their hand. They can’t possibly know that many Christians. Sorry, but they just can’t. I know myself well enough to see many [but not all] the ways I fall short.

Why are so many people so misinformed about the church?

Sometimes it’s because they’re only real exposure has been what they’ve seen in movies or on TV. Those caricature stereotypes don’t match the vast majority of congregations and pastors. Script writers routinely exaggerate to make drama.  We all know that’s not real life.  And then you have the TV preachers, many of whom give the rest of us a bad image.

Some may have some distant childhood memory of a church experience that the years have warped. Their impression could be completely off, but they maintain the memory as if it were accurate.

Perhaps the number one reason people don’t understand the reality of the Christian faith comes down to their flawed sources. Most of what most people think they know about God, the Bible, Jesus and the Church comes from misinformation from uninformed family and friends who have little or no idea what they’re talking about.

Instead of assuming that our prejudices are fact, we’d all be better off if we made the effort to be better informed. That’s true for me, and I try not to let my presuppositions cloud my judgment. I suspect I’m not the only one who needs to watch what I think and say.

——————

Dave Soucie lives, serves and writes in Indianapolis.

Copyright © 2023 by Dave Soucie.  All rights reserved [but permission is granted for non-commercial use only, with proper citation].