listen

There are times when you need someone who will just listen. Or to sit with you in silence. Or who will offer cautious gentle wise counsel.

These aren’t the people who barge into your life. They don’t nominate conversations. They come alongside with grace, and care, and peace. They are the ones who are, much of the time, rather quiet.

They may not look impressive. They probably don’t have positions of authority. They seem unlikely saviors. Their presence, their compassion, their attention they give you speak loudly, with thunderous effect, all the while they are mostly quiet.

We’ve all met the ones who aren’t quiet. They’re eager to join any conversation, the more controversial the better. These are the people who are certain they have all the answers, which are frequently simplistic. They are live performance robocalls. Arriving at their convenience uninvited, have no interest in what you have to say, pushing something on you.

I have to confess I’m likely to cringe when I encounter those people. I hope it doesn’t show. You can’t have a conversation because they are extremely confident in their opinions. Nothing I can say will make the slightest bit of difference.

I’ll typically avoid serious topics with him, or try to change the subject, or find a way to walk away. Perhaps if that keeps happening to them, they’ll notice a pattern. Since their attitude is a lifelong habit, I’ll guess they are blind to what’s going on.

They aren’t helpful. What we need are more of the quiet ones.

Years ago, I found a radio show where people would call in to speak with a counselor about their problems. At first, I loved it because the counselor was very insistent that people take personal responsibility for their actions.

But after a while I noticed two problems common with each call. 1. I never heard a hint of grace from the counselor. 2. The caller only had about 20-30 seconds to explain their situation before the counselor launched into a stern prescription on what the caller had to do to fix their problem. I quit listening.

Why look for the quiet ones? What’s special about them?

Quiet people usually listen more than they talk. You learn a lot more by listening than talking. They may have accumulated a lot more wisdom and perspective than others.

Quiet people give you time to tell your story. That’s not only more respectful, but it lets you know they have a reasonable understanding of your situation.

Quiet people usually avoid mindless chatter. When they do talk, they’re more likely to say something meaningful, something worth hearing.

Quiet people are less likely to give you simplistic cookie cutter solutions to complex problems.

Quiet people think before they speak, a skill that can be rare.

Quiet people understand the power of presence. Sometimes they need not say anything, but you know they care.

Quiet people don’t believe the world revolves around them, that their opinions are the gospel truth, that those who disagree with them are idiots.

Quiet people may draw from an inner spiritual well, filled with ancient truths, a gift from the Divine.

They may initiate a conversation, only to let you take over. They let us know they noticed us, that we are not invisible. They always have an encouraging word for us just when we might need it the most.

I can’t speak for others, but I feel motivated to become more quiet.

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Dave Soucie lives, serves and writes in Indianapolis.

Dave Soucie

Dave Soucie

The Sky Is Not The Limit

Look For The Quiet Ones