Sometimes we allow what we cannot do to stop us from doing what we can do.
Even the most unrealistic dreamer idealist eventually arrives at the conclusion that they will not solve all the world’s problems. Most of us understood that from the beginning.
Yet there is one area of our lives that offers us the opportunity to have an enormous influence in the lives of others: our families.
Is your family partially dysfunctional? Problematic? Distant? Weird? There is some of that in all families. But you have an automatic organic bond with them despite their, and our own, problems.
Reflect on the following;
- If you have children, you are the number one influence in their lives. It’s tough to balance instilling healthy values and allowing them to grow into their own personalities. You also need to help them be discerning and careful with outside influences. Yet your home is their most important classroom, as they listen to what their parents say and watch what they do. This is our opportunity to help them navigate the rough waters of free will, just like God has done with us, showing us how to be in the world but not of the world.
- Look for opportunities to affirm, encourage and praise all members of your family. They know you know them very well. Affirmation has a huge impact coming from you. God knows us better than anyone, and loves us anyway. How do you feel about that?
- That said, there are times when we have to exercise tough love. He doesn’t enjoy it, but God routinely allows us to suffer the consequences of our actions. Although he willingly waits for us to return from that far country, he must be faithful to his standards, and expects us to do the same.
- Being there for families gives us higher credibility when trying to be there for others. If they see we’ve done well within our own family, they are more likely to allow us to help them with their families. We see the positive effect of God in the people’s lives and know those values have worth. Your good example is your best advertisement that those values are worthwhile.
- Family love is sacrificial. In the Christian tradition we learn that a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church (Eph 5:25). The command to love (Agape: to seek someone’s highest good) is a command to forget about yourself in service to others. Not only does that prove our devotion, it sets an example for the whole family to sacrifice themselves for each other.
- All of this requires balance. While our highest priority is to care for our own, we still have an obligation to care for others. It’s okay if you don’t make every game or concert. While God cares for you, he also cares for all. Part of being a role model is to show caring compassion for all. That example can inspire your family to do the same.
Have you noticed a pattern here? We learn our best strategies for serving our families from the one who gave us our families. God gave us families to teach us about the potential for divine relationships. They are also an in-house laboratory where we can practice, practice, and practice those values God had modeled and wants us to cherish.
God has always been, remains, and will always be the teacher, mentor, guide and healer who helps us be our best. Our most valuable opportunity to follow in those divine steps is within our own families.
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This is the unabridged version of this article that was published in the Indianapolis Star Faith + Values feature March 18, 2019 under a different title.
Dave Soucie lives, serves and writes in Indianapolis.
Copyright © 2019 by Dave Soucie. All rights reserved [but permission is granted for non-commercial use only, with proper citation].
Dave Soucie 